11 Things You Need to do on 11-11-11

Comparison of 11-11-11 to y2k and 2012

click to zoom

As a society, we are obsessed with numbers.  As teens, we hate numbers and math.  And, as computer-users, we use numbers everyday.

That means we are a society of teens that is obsessed with hating the numbers we use everyday.  No wonder teens have depression problems-we have no idea when we are supposed to hate numbers or be thankful for them. Depressing.

But, on the bright side, it is going to be 11-11-11 in just a few days. That means the date will be the same forwards, backwards, upside down, in a mirror, in an upside down mirror, upside down backwards in a mirror, and even when eaten, regurgitated, cut in half, and then put against a mirror (for those of you with too much spare time: don’t just take my word for it! Test all that!).

You shouldn’t just let this special day pass, though.  Of course not.  It won’t happen for another hundred years, unless the world ends, in which case it won’t happen ever again.  Thus, I’ve compiled a list of 11 things you have to do as a teen on 11-11-11.

(Note: after writing most of this list, I realized that 11-11-11 is Veteran’s day, so most of us don’t have school.  Regardless, I think you could still do most of these, and for the school-specific ones you should just do them on 11-10-11, in preparation for the big day).

1) Mess with the Lockers

Yes, lockers have a lot of problems; we know that already. However, Lockers will actually be your friend today: get to school early and turn everyone’s lock to the number 11.  Then, wait to see how many people notice.  As you are dealing with other teens, it should be pretty obvious: those who notice will experience a brain overload, so their eyes will start flashing and their ears will emit some sort of smoke.

2) Drive at exactly 11 MPH

If you are old enough to drive, today is a great day to take advantage of your ‘teen driving inexperience.’ Just drive everywhere at 11 mph, and people will write it off as just another bad teen driver.  Caution: if you go on the freeway, make sure you are wearing a crash helmet.  You might even throw on some chain mail armor for added protection and if you want to go for that ‘bad teen driver escaped from mental asylum’ look.

3) Use only 1 or 11 Syllable Words

As I’ve mentioned before we teens are special in that we can communicate in less syllables than cows can. So, like, this is not hard for us to, like, do, right?

Bonus: you can use 11 syllable words also.  Not that I know any 11-syllable words, but I’m sure they exist.  I bet they would make great comebacks to insults: “You’re a loser.” “Oh yeah? You’re an antidisestablishmentarianist*.”

*Okay, so I knew one 11-syllable word, but we all know that one. It means something like: against (anti) this (dis) establishment (establishment) Harry (ari) and (an) fist (ist).  In common terms, basically someone against the establishment of something and willing to both fight for it with their fist and call in J.K. Rowling as well.

4) Buy Lunch in 11-cent multiples

I think this is pretty self-explanatory.  Let’s just say this is why I don’t want to work around teens when I grow up.  And the scary part is, to the teenage me, this actually sounds like something I need to do.

5) Grow an 11th finger

The reason I am giving you this list a few days before 11-11-11 is mainly so you can start working on this one now.  I think an extra finger would be pretty useful, especially when it comes to setting the world-record at your school for Fruit Ninja.  And that is definitely a worthwhile pursuit.

6) Get an 11% on Your Math Homework

If you are smart enough to calculate just how many things you must miss to do this, then you deserve an A anyway.  But don’t let that paradox stop you.

7) Buy $11 Worth of Gum

I am actually going to try to do this myself, which, let me tell you, won’t be easy.  It really puts into perspective the amount of gum I chew each day.  I’ll just have to bear with those fun symptoms of withdrawal in the name of, um, 11-ness.  Seizures, here I come.

8) Raise Your Hand 11 Times in Each Class

Unless you are having a class discussion, this will also be difficult.  However, you can resort to “I, um, forgot what I was going to say,” “I was just stretching, sorry,” “I was waving out the window to the Ax-Murderer outside,” and, “In stretching I looked outside and saw an Ax-Murderer, but I forgot why that is important,” to help you with this.

9) Write the Date on Every Line

Whatever you are writing, make sure to commemorate this special day by putting the date, and only the date, on every line. Name: 11-11-11. Period:  11-11-11. Social security number: 11-11-11. Blood type: 11-11-11.

10) Dial 1-11-11-11

Don’t do this if that number is, for some reason, the emergency number in your area, because if you read my little disclaimer at the bottom of the page, you’re the only one of us who will be going to jail. Otherwise, 11-11-11 is a bad day to have that phone number.  You could even call (1) and then that number for a longer distance call, making it 11-11-11-11.

When they pick up, say something like: “This is the 11th Street Barber shop, we are just calling to remind you to pick up your hair.  It was done at 11:00 this morning; we dyed it gray since you did not choose one of our 11 colors.  Normally it costs $11 extra, but it was free with your promo package.  Please come and pick up your hair before 11:00 tomorrow or we will donate it to a charitable cause. The 11th Street Barber shop: we will literally remove your hair.”

11) Eat some Salt

I’ll bet this is the most widely appreciated form of celebrating 11-11-11 you will find: it appeals to nerds (10% of teens), McDonald’s lovers (20% of teens), and those who eat excessive amounts (50% of teens or 100% of teen boys).  Why salt? Because Sodium is the 11th element in the Periodic table (our good friend, remember?), and salt is sodium chloride.  You could also just eat pure sodium, but I think that you might have to eat charcoal/burnt bread/chalk then also.  Of course, for us teen boys, we have enough appetite for both salt and pure sodium with a side of chalk.

11 things to do on the 11th day of the 11th month of the 11th year.  The only way this list could be more perfect is if it received 11 Facebook likes, 11 Tweets, etc.

Although you could argue that this list would also be more perfect if I had written it entirely in binary, using only 1’s and 0’s (so 11 might show up a few more times).  However, I did want you to be able to read it, and we all know that binary is like Latin: the Romans ultimately rejected them both because they were too complicated.  What? You didn’t know the ancient Romans spoke English? They had a really cool accent, too, a mix between a British accent and a Chinese accent.

Even though I’ve determined that this list is perfect, I ask you: did I leave anything out? What are you planning to do/think should be done on 11-11-11?

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