13/2 Things that Give You Bad Luck as a Teen

A situation with a lot of bad luckI was wracking my brain for a post idea the other day, and I realized: I don’t know how to wrack.  Is that the action of, what, hanging up clothes? But that’s without a ‘w,’ right? Of course, after I contemplated what ‘wracking’ was for a few minutes, my brain ran out of charge, so I would have had to wait until I slept for 17 hours straight to use it again.  I still had no post topic, though.

Luckily for me, a devoted reader/commenter left a comment here suggesting I write about Friday the 13th. (If you would like to suggest a topic, feel free to do so in the comments of any post; your idea might not be guaranteed a post-for instance, if you suggested something like “Alpaca wool and it’s uses in Somali industry”-but ideas are always nice to have).

So, while I wanted to write about Friday the 13th, we all know that it is bad luck to write about Friday the 13th right before Friday the 13th.  Instead, I figured I would write about 6.5 superstitions that you may or may not be aware of (13x.5=6.5), all of which could have life-changing consequences.

1) The Gum-Wrapper Rip

When you unwrap a piece of gum, you should be careful not to tear the wrapper.  If you do, you must immediately toss the gum box and any remaining gum into a crowd of teens.  This way, when the bad luck arrives to follow the box of gum, it latches on to the wrong person.  You will know who was the unlucky one by noticing that their ears, teeth, and fingernails slowly turn into gum.

2) The Broken Lead

If your pencil lead breaks, mechanical or wood, you are almost certainly doomed.  Before you even contemplate where to get a pencil sharpener or more lead, you must take the broken piece of lead and give it a proper burial, complete with an engraved stone tombstone (to scale).  Otherwise, you will be plagued with a constantly breaking pencil.

3) The 5 Es

You are sitting in class, taking a multiple choice test, when you notice it: multiple-choice should have a dash between the two words. No, sorry, what you actually notice is that the last 5 answers have all been choice ‘E.’ Certainly, this cannot be right, as this never happens.  You are either doomed to worrying about this until you get your scores back, or (this is the only known solution) you can change one of those Es to a ‘C.’

4) Lying About Gum

You are still sitting in class, but now you have finished the multiple-choice test.  You take out some gum and put it in your mouth. The person next to you notices this gum.  Heck, the person six seats away smells the gum and looks up.  A crowd of gum-starved teens begins to gather outside the windows, looking in menacingly (and you are on the second story of your school, amazingly).  Then the question comes: “Can I have a piece too, please?” What can you do? You lie: “That was my last piece, sorry.”

DO NOT LIE ABOUT GUM.  Otherwise, the lie will come back and bite you (no pun intended) in any number of situations.  Picture this: you’re lying on the gurney, about to go into surgery, when the doctor says: “Sorry, but we are out of anesthetic.  You’ll just have to undergo the brain surgery without it.  Also, who taught this kid Phil to write? Two colons in the same sentence? Someone out to give him a Colonscopy, whatever that is.”

5) The Substitute Teacher Cursing You

Teacher’s all have their ‘evil’ stares, but, as a teen, those should hurt you only as much as getting hit on the head with a ping-pong ball.  What I’m really talking about are the rare instances when you’ll have a substitute teacher who is actually a witch/wizard in their spare time. If you receive any bad looks, then you should probably stay after class and offer your first born child if they’ll lift the curse.  Otherwise, you might be stuck with something such as never-ending hiccups, or worse.

6) Seeing Your Teacher Outside of School

It could be a supermarket.  Or a gas station. Or a tanning salon.  Wherever you are, it is always bad luck to see your teacher outside of school.  Not only is it extremely awkward, it is also guaranteed to alter your actions in a negative way. For instance, you might be talking to your friends later in the day, and suddenly start correcting their grammar, causing you to be dropped out the nearest window.

6.5) The “Gee-I-Bet-You-Don’t-Live-To-Be-20” Scenario

You were minding your own business, taking a test in class, when you notice that you got E as the answer to the last 5 questions.  As you try to change one, though, your pencil lead breaks.  To console yourself, before you go outside and dirty your hands in the lead cemetery, you take out a piece of gum.  However, you rip the gum wrapper.  The sound alerts the other 30 kids in the room to your gum, and all of them shout: “CAN I HAVE SOME GUM, TOO?” You reply: “It was my last piece, sorry,” but then throw the box into the crowd to avoid the bad luck of ripping the wrapper (say ‘wilbur wright ripped the wrapper when he wracked and wrestled the wrangler jeans’ six times fast).  This disruption causes the Substitute teacher to look over and curse you so that every time you blink you grow slightly shorter.  By the end of the day, you are only 3 feet tall, so you go to a supermarket to buy foods that should help you grow.  When you are there, though, you see your regular teacher, who was buying chicken soup because they were sick.  This causes you to mention it to your friends, who want to know: “Why was you at the store, again?” You correct them (“Were, not was”) and get punched a few times.  As the doctor prepares the stitches, he says, “I’m sorry, but I just used my last good needle. You don’t mind if I use a rusty nail, right?”

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...

Additional Resources

Want more?

Like this post? Want more just like it? Have a strange rash on your arm that is slowly turning into an alien life form? Subscribe to get more-convenient and free (yes, that is even the solution to that last question).

Grab our Ebook!

Our ebook cover

Want more hilarious content? Get our ebook! It's 5,500+ words with 19 exclusive pictures. You can pick up your copy on our ebook page.

Grab the Badge!

my badgeIf you want to share this blog with your readers, you can copy and paste the html code below.

Comments

  1. vilite246 says:

    Wooooowww. I can’t believe Friday the Thirteenth could actually be drop dead hilarious. And by the way, thanks for using the idea. One question: How long does it take for you to write a post?

    • Better be careful, there, using the words “drop dead” and “Friday the Thirteenth” in the same sentence. Thanks for giving me the idea, in the first place. It takes me around 30 minutes (for shorter posts that I outline) to around an hour (for longer posts that I have no idea how to write) to write a post.

  2. vilite246 says:

    Wrack means any number of coarse brown seaweeds that grow on the shoreline and a shipwreck. Haha.

  3. Yeah, I made a pun. (You know, drop dead and —— — ———-. Get it- never mind.) And, wow. You must really love writing. I mean, I love writing, but everyday for an hour? That’s incredible.

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: