3 Brilliant New Ways to Text in Class

Are you tired of the challenges that go along with texting in class? Are you tired of experiencing back-pains from leaning down and reaching in your bag, pretending to grab a pencil for four minutes, thinking no one can tell that you are texting? If you are done with all that hassle, then try “Ted’s New Ways to Text in Class!”

1. “Just Grabbing Some Soup”

They’re innocent, they’re hot, and nobody would every suspect them. Yes, they are the awesome insulated Thermos Cups. And nothing goes better with those cups than some Alphabet Soup. So you are in class, and your teacher sees you reaching into a steamy cup of soup. When she asks what you are doing, you simply say that you are searching for a letter ‘W’ in your alphabet soup. But secretly, your phone is inside the cup, hidden by the cover of soup. Unfortunately, there are some side-effects.* Don’t let that stop you! Ted’s “Just Grabbing Some Soup” method is a genius choice.

*Approximately 100% percent of users experience burns on the hand, and 98% of the users’ cell phones experience fatal injuries.

2. “Time To Play Some Darts”

What does everyone have at school? What could you carry around and go completely unnoticed? In fact, there is one amazing answer for both amazing questions: darts! While darts make a fun game and effective weapons, let’s not underestimate their potential uses. Instead of texting in class behind the cover of a textbook, let darts do the work. First, slide your cell phone on the ground to a strategic location outside the door. Then, throw your darts precisely through the crack of the door onto your cell phone keyboard. With your phenomenal dart-throwing abilities, I’m sure you will type an accurate text. Be careful though! In the past, some users have been charged for first degree murder, but don’t let that stop you! Ted’s “Time To Play Some Darts” method is a genius choice.

3. “New Chewing Gum”

It tastes good, it comes in packs, and high schoolers love chewing on it very obnoxiously. It’s gum! But aren’t we all tired of 5 and Trident and all those other brands. Why don’t we instead chew on our cell phones? Yes, I said it! It is a simple process. All you have to do is chew with your mouth wide open, and make loud noises that all the class can hear. Then, you’ll blend right in. But wait, there’s more! When you are obnoxiously chewing on you cell phone, carefully use your teeth and tongue to text your buddies. While this texting method has lead to multiple choking deaths, it has also lead to the discovery that the human body can digest a Blackberry Pearl. Therefore, Ted’s “My New Chewing Gum” method is a genius choice.