3 Brilliant Ways to Use Water Balloons

A water balloon about to explodeThe concept of the water balloon is perfect. It is part humor, part adrenaline, part skill, part luck, part projectile combat, and part public admiration/humiliation.

However, the execution of the water balloon is not so perfect. For one thing, filling them up. They take anywhere from 3 to 18.1 trillion seconds to figure out how to hook them up to the hose, and then another 5 seconds to fill with water. It takes only 1 second for the balloon to be thrown and explode.

Furthermore, nobody likes picking up the pieces of a shattered water balloon. Which means you either clean up, which is not something any sane teen enjoys, or you leave the pieces outside on the ground. And if you do that, your conscience has to wrestle with the possibility that a number of cute small mammals or birds choke to death on those pieces of neon balloon, all because you were lazy. So you end up cleaning up.

All of sudden, you might be questioning the worth of the water balloon. Does it take more time to prepare and clean up than the enjoyment is worth?

Of course not. Are you kidding? You get to nail somebody with what’s essentially a flying projectile filled with water, totally soak them, and, if done correctly, watch their facial expressions as well. To teens, that’s worth more than half of the US nuclear arsenal (“Yes, Mr. Kim Jong-Un, just stand here and face me. I’ll throw the balloon and then hand over the control panel.”).

Even so, there are ways to make your water balloon experience even better.

The Windows

Most people would agree that the element of surprise is great ally to have. They would be right. When it comes to a successful water balloon strike, this is vital.

However, in most cases, the surprise is lost after the first balloon. That’s not true in this case.

What you need to do is to find an area in your house or apartment with a number of consecutive windows. For added effect, use windows not on the ground level. Open them all. Then, run back and forth amongst the windows, tossing only one balloon from each one. If you are lucky, you will run out of balloons before being discovered.

Disclaimer: High School Humor Blog (from herein, referred to as ‘us’ or ‘we’. Yes, we may not refer to ‘us’ again in this disclaimer, but we wanted to get that clear regardless) is not responsible if: you fall out of the window; your victim sues for undue mental distress; or you fall out of the window onto your victim and they sue for undue mental distress.

The “Made You Look”

Acting skills are a must. You should hide just one water balloon somewhere on you, like a pocket, bag, or sock (“What, that? That’s just my insane calf muscle.”).

If you want to carry more than one balloon (not recommended), you could use a trench coat or top hat. When people ask you why you might need a trench coat/top hat in the summer, just reply, “If you need to ask, you will never understand.”

Then, find a friend/enemy to walk alongside with, one who is preferably either weaker than yourself or not prone to physical violence. After a few minutes, point to the sky on the other side of your friend and say either: a) (for rural/suburban areas) “Wow, look at that humongous flying semi-invisible bird!” or b) (for urban areas) “Wow, look at that humongous flying semi-invisible bird!”. (The difference, by the way, is in the voice inflection, in case you didn’t figure that out).

As soon as they turn their head, whip out the balloon and nail them with it. From there, you can either ad-lib an explanation (“Dude, the bird totally just dropped a bomb on you! Gross, and yet sick, man.”) or just keep a totally straight face and act like nothing is wrong.

The Sneeze

The value of this one is in seeing others’ reactions, although, on the downside, you don’t get to nail anyone else with a balloon. Set it up like you would the previous one, with a hidden water balloon. Then, pretend to sneeze, while crushing the water balloon in front of your nose. Total chaos and fake disgusting-ness should ensue.

Note: Not recommended for use in front of mature persons, because unlike teens they might get genuinely concerned and feel a need to take you to the doctor/hospital/government research lab.

So, whether you go with using the element of surprise (#1), using the element of surprise (#2), or using the element of surprise (#3), water balloons are sure to make your summer better. Although if you live in a cold climate, beware of hypothermia, pneumonia, and, um, drowning (long story short, don’t do these on thin ice). Really, though, the fun that water balloons create (for you, at least) totally outweigh the – hey, look at that giant flying cloud!

If you’re having a more serious summer, perhaps you’d like “3 Ways to Tour A College,” published at this time last year.

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