3 Reasons Me and You Need To Talk-In a Dark Alley

A punctuation pizzaThis is a touchy subject I’m about to, well, touch on, because there are basically two sides of this issue: those with regard to proper grammar and those who wear their baseball caps backwards.  Or, in more realistic terms, the complete losers who tuck their shirts and haven’t had friends since 1938 or the super-cool teens who will manage to make you feel old and inferior even though they don’t have a brain.

Now, with that I’m mind, I think you know which side I’m going to take.  Obviously, the side of the grammar sticklers, because stickler sounds like a pretty darn rebellious word, as in, “I’m going to stickler up this bank,” or “I’ll stickler you so hard in the kidney that your spleen blows up.”

You see, even I have noticed a recent problem that is spreading in our civilization; namely, teens can’t list subjects correctly.

So, you wonder, what is the rule of subject listing? This: put yourself last.  So, this is wrong, “me and my friends went to the pizza place”, and this is right, “my friends and I went to the pizza place”.  There are a few other ways to know what is correct, but, if you look up to the top of this page, you’ll see that this blog is a humor blog, not a grammar blog

Why, then, am I bringing this up? Because there are some reasons for this rule that much of civilization does not realize, reasons so important that if they were ignored, the world would come to an end.  Well, actually, I guess the reasons aren’t that important, so they probably wouldn’t end the world, but they are definitely important enough to call for another radio priest to predict the end of the world.

See, the first problem with something like “Me and my friends went to the pizza place” is pretty obvious if you write it down: your friends are closer to the pizza place, right now, than you.  Heck, your friends are practically going for pizza without you! See, look-there is a big ‘and’ the size of three blocks between you and your friends, not to mention how far away the pizza place is.

In an emergency, then, you wouldn’t be able to get to the pizza place in time to hoard the scant supply of food.  Which means you’d starve to death.  So, reason #1 for fixing this sentence is “Self Preservation/Don’t Let Your Friends Have All The Pizza”.

The second issue with this sentence is that it is selfish.  It makes you sound like a snob.  Oh, they’re your friends, are they?  And I suppose that you’ll tell me that you’re breathing using your lungs? And that I just punched you and broke your nose? Do you even know whose lungs you are using? Don’t be so selfish.

Thirdly, this sentence has a terrible acronym: MAMFWTTPP.  This is also the acronym, in case you didn’t know, of Madly-political Aardvark Mothers For World Trade Treaties and Private Property.  And that, my friend, is an organization you shouldn’t even mention in mixed company (or in any company, frankly, unless everyone is drunk and won’t remember you made a fool of yourself).

Compare that to the correct acronym, of the sentence, “My friends and I went to the pizza place”: MFAIWTTPP.  This is also the accepted abbreviation for the demographic group of “Martians, Fireants, And Interbred Whales That Take Perfect Photographs.”  You can definitely mention that in any company, even to a four-yea-old or ant-eater.

I’d love to give you more reasons, of course, but me and my “bros” are going to go stickler some pizza for dinner.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...

Additional Resources

Want more?

Like this post? Want more just like it? Have a strange rash on your arm that is slowly turning into an alien life form? Subscribe to get more-convenient and free (yes, that is even the solution to that last question).

Grab our Ebook!

Our ebook cover

Want more hilarious content? Get our ebook! It's 5,500+ words with 19 exclusive pictures. You can pick up your copy on our ebook page.

Grab the Badge!

my badgeIf you want to share this blog with your readers, you can copy and paste the html code below.

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: