3 Things to Do with Your Old School Notes

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Don’t worry. I’m not about to talk about how summer is more than half over, or how school starts in a little over a month, or how you really need to start that summer homework. Ooops.

While the topic for this post deals with something equally as depressing in the short term (cleaning up), there are no long-term effects.

You see, at the end of the year, you probably had something called “locker cleanout.” Basically, it was a fifteen to twenty minute period when you were supposed to clean all of your stuff out of your locker before you left for the summer.

I’m sure you remember it; not only were you allowed to be in the halls for twenty minutes during class, usually a haz-mat crew or government team from area 51 was called to deal with the extreme mold/bacteria/dust that had accumulated.

I’m also sure that you did not clean out your lockers during this time. I mean, twenty minutes off of class? Of course you wasted it talking with friends.

So, this meant that at some point during the last day of school, you grabbed everything in your locker and shoved it in your backpack to take home.

Look behind you.

Yep. Your backpack is sitting there, mocking you.

Now look back to this post. Has it turned into the Old Spice guy? Probably not. But I will tell you what to do with all of that junk.

Hold a Barbeque

You’re probably already planning on doing this at some point this summer, so think of this a green way of recycling. Take all of your notebooks that you won’t need for next year and throw them into the barbeque to use as fuel.

Not only is this incredibly satisfying, and a greener alternative to the classic ‘burn’ method; this also can provide a unique, rare flavor to your foods. Whether it’s succulent US history spiced meat or coveted calculus flavored corn, your summer parties are sure to improve.

Insulate Your House

If you’re really attached to a particular set of notes, or just can’t bear to burn that English paper which you spent 83 consecutive uninterrupted hours writing, you can always keep it in your closet, attic, or basement.

The downside, of course, is that it uses space to store things that you’ll only look at if you want to become depressed. To solve this problem, just lie to yourself and call it further insulating your house.

Sure, paper is a terrible insulator, and is also incredibly flammable, but at least you won’t feel bad when you realize you no longer have room for clothes. Clothes are definitely less important than having a highly flammable house.

Sell Them

If you took good notes, but no longer have any use for them, and don’t own a barbeque (and it’s between 4PM and 7PM on an even-numbered Tuesday), you could try to sell your notebook to incoming students.

In theory, someone would pay to avoid having to take notes all of next year. In practice, it is likely that your notes are illegible, unreadable, unintelligible, indecipherable, scattered, and schizophrenic. Also, they might not make any sense. (Remember what note taking is like?).

However, if you are lucky enough to find an unwitting incoming student, offer to sell your notes for only $5. The catch (because if there is no catch, they will become suspicious and you are part of a sting operation for the NSA, or Notes Sharing Agency) is that they must also buy a $13,000 warranty that does nothing aside from promise that if the notes are defective, you will offer a sincere apology.

If you don’t like any of these options, by all means, don’t bother cleaning them up. Just leave your notes in your backpack where they’ve been for two months. In 1,000 years or so, they will have naturally been reduced to compost. Trust me, food will be so scarce by then that your great-great-step-great ancestors will forever thank you. Well, at least that’s what I’m going to tell myself.

If you’d rather hear about movies, you should check out “The Real Meaning of the PG-13 Rating.” Trust me, this brilliant piece is sure to open your eyes.

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