3 Ways to Make a Terrific First Impression on New Teachers

A surprised teacherYou want the easy version? Don’t show up.  Ha ha, just kidding, of course.  You know that if you don’t show up, you won’t make any impression at all.  Even though that is probably a better impression (a nonexistent one) than you will make (being a teen).

Three things contribute to this, the fact that you can’t make a good impression: peer pressure, age, and lots of other things.

For instance, in terms of peer pressure, you can’t just use the old “Wow, Mrs. Brown, regardless of the fact that you just broke my feet with your six-inch high heels, they really make you look at least 80 years younger,” because you will become an outcast and a teacher’s pet, or teacher’s floor rug, in this case, due to peer-circulated rumors.

Agewise, your brain simply doesn’t work right.  As a teen, that is a scientific fact.  Also included in current scientific facts are that the Earth is round (yeah, right), bees shouldn’t be able to fly, and that the earth orbits the sun (as a teen, the earth, along with the rest of the Universe save Pluto, orbits you).

When considering these scientific facts, I would note that there appears to be a total of 1 scientist who is a teen, so that’s probably the reason for these errors (and biases).  Also, this 1 scientist has been doing science since he was 0.02 seconds old, and, unsurprisingly, has also played the violin since three years before he was born.

The lots of other things vary, but I’ll try to explain them.  I know of at least stuff, which can be the stuff that keeps you from liking anyone who assigns homework to the stuff that drives you to mix the homework in with your dog’s kibble at dinner.  I have also heard of objects, factors, and nouns, but I’m not sure I can explain those as well.

So, then, how can you make a good impression?

Costumes

No, I wouldn’t give you bad* advice; I am telling it like it is.  You should do some background research, using Google, Facebook, and any other service your teachers may use that essentially allows anyone in the WHOLE WIDE WORLD to invade their PERSONAL PRIVACY, and discover whether your teacher has any favorite movie, book, or TV series/characters.

Come to class on the first day of school wearing a costume like one of these characters.  Sure, you’ll need to bring 4-8 costumes that day, but in the long run, it is definitely worth it.  For example, your teacher may grade you more easily, assuming you “aren’t all there.”

*depending on your definition of bad; it could be a sarcastic bad or a low-quality bad or a malicious bad, etc.

Become a Member of an Oppressed Minority (OM)

The underdog is always a crowd-pleaser, and very popular in today’s culture.  So, then, by using simple and pure logic, you can figure that walking around with a dog on your head is the perfect way to appear under(a)dog-like.

Seriously, though, you need to be a part of an oppressed minority (OM) group, so that you can win over your teacher’s favor.

A great time to implement this is when the teacher takes attendance.  So, when she calls, “Barnaby” instead of saying the usual reply of “Who names their kid Barnaby?” you would say “I prefer to be called the pity-worthy oppressed minority, or PWOM for short.”

Another great way to establish yourself as an OM is to create a Facebook group for OM’s and then join it.

Take a Page from “How To Influence Wins and People Friends”

Actually, I think the title is “How to Win Friends and Influence People,” but all you really need to know is that it was published in 1937, back when the most people you could know at any one time was 4, unless you lived in a big city, where it was 6 (because big cities had a constant influx of people, mainly young, male, back-alley urban professionals who all, coincidentally, were named “Mugger”).

Regardless of the fact that this book was published before there were such things as technology, it can still aid you in your predicament.

Here’s the secret: you take a page, rip it out of this book, and tape it to your forehead.

This is a great way to make a first impression, because, according to Amazon, this book “was an overnight hit, eventually selling 15 million copies.”  Basically, this book is extremely popular, so everyone would jump at the chance to read even a page for free.

Besides, it’s not like this hasn’t been done before.  In fact, according to the Amazon free preview, on one of the opening pages it states, in big bold letters, that, “The more you get out of this book, the more you’ll get out of life.”  With that in mind, I think a pair of industrial scissors are a good investment.

I would love to give you even more tips to make a good first impression, but I’m out of time. (I’m also out of milk, bread, and genetically modified walking and talking apples, if anyone is going to a store soon).  I just learned that my “Elmo” costume came in.

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Comments

  1. Would the dog mentioned in this post also be the dog named Time mentioned in later posts?

    • Well, actually, Time *is* my pet fish. In the interest of not lying to my readers, though, I will mention that Time may or may not have been my *pet* fish (a salmon) in the sense that I owned him for the five minutes he spent on my plate until I ate him. After all, I’ve only got so much room for animals (and if you read my author profile page, you’ll know I also need room for my oompah-loompahs). Thanks for making me get my stories straight, though.
      – Phil

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