3 Ways to Do Homework Faster

Speeding Homework signFirst, I’d like to start off with the classic legal disclaimer, ever popular in today’s modern society: Don’t blame me, us, the company, or any other pronouns you can come up with off of the top of your head if these methods do not work, lead to negative consequences, or cause the death of your pet rock.  You forfeit all rights to sue us, me, the company, this body, insert pronouns etc., to the point where you can’t even name anyone in the next three generations of your family Sue, Susan, Susanna, Susanne, or any other names that start with ‘su’.

Glad that’s over with.  See, I’m about to deal with a touchy subject and I wouldn’t want to be harmed in the process by the ‘greater authorities’: speeding through your homework.  The reason this subject is touchy is the fact that it has the word speeding, which is generally associated with breaking the law (“But, honestly, officer, I swear that I was only going 1,834-I mean, 235-I mean, 4 miles an hour!”).

Oh, the other important thing you should know, in case you haven’t yet figured it out, is that this blog probably won’t help you in any way, but will only be here for the purpose of entertainment.  Therefore, without further ado, lets examine how you can speed through your (textbook-based) homework (a slight phrase there that voids math homework and free-reading, but remember, you can’t blame me, us, any other pronouns, etc.):

Bolded and Underlined Words

Most vocab questions and concept-based questions can be answered by scanning only the bold-faced or underlined text.  In fact, it is teenagers who originally instigated this policy among publishers, complaining that the blocks of text looked, like, pretty, like, boring.  To remedy this, the textbook publishers began bolding all of the important words.  This didn’t make it any less boring, of course, but it placated the teenagers, because it allowed them to speed through their homework.

Ignore Diagrams

Unless specifically asked to examine a visual, ignore any and all pictures or diagrams in the textbook.  These were placed in textbooks because teachers complained the blocks of text were boring, and teachers were not placated by the bolding of words (teachers don’t have to do the homework).  Usually, no diagram is as good as your imagination.

Also, ignoring these diagrams is a small bit of rebellion against the teachers, because they were the ones who asked to place the visuals in (and this was a pretty selfish claim.  Remember that this request for visuals was made back in the early days, when people frequently got mutilated and killed trying to meet the demands of the consumer using the most primitive of stamps).

Make Inferences

If you are really crunched for time, or you simply forget the textbook, use context clues to answer the question.  Look for give-away words, such as ‘the’, ‘a’, and ‘existentialistic’.  For example, with the question, “What is an example of a secondary consumer?”, you know that you will be giving an example of a consumer.  Then, since you realize consumer deals with economics, you can understand a secondary consumer is someone who does not initially purchase a product, but then decides to purchase a product because they saw somebody famous using it.  As these people are extremely rare (which is why the number of commercials with famous people using products has increased, to counter the drop in secondary-consumerism), you can lie and write ‘my neighbor, Marge’, because it is unlikely your teacher will be able to verify this.

Oh, when making inferences, also consider the subject matter (the example question was a science question).  This helps you stay realistic, because it would be horrible if you messed up and actually wrote, “I was going 1,834 miles an hour!” on your history homework.  Clearly, you hadn’t broken the sound barrier yet.

Note to Readers: That post I mentioned at the bottom of my last post is now about 7,000 words.  Hopefully, it will be posted next week.

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  1. This is such a cool blog! I found it a couple days ago, and I really like this post. (I always take too long doing my homework.) I just started blogging a few weeks ago, and you should check out my blog!
    Keep posting!
    Grace Kent

  2. Thanks, Grace. Your blog looks pretty new, so I wish you luck in building it.

    - Phil

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