Texting is great: it allows you to communicate at a leisurely pace, builds up valuable thumb muscles, and gives you an excuse for doing something dumb, like walking into an overhanging shrub. “Ooops, didn’t see that darn bush—I was too busy texting*.”
*Implied meaning: I was texting people who are so cool that if they hold out their hand, an ice cube forms in it. So, by the associative property of teen coolness, I am also that cool.
In an effort to increase literacy rates and personal lexicons, teens all across the nation use common abbreviations. But just like a politician, these abbreviations may not mean what you think. Are you using them incorrectly?
Word on the street has it that ‘aight’ is simply a shortened version of all right. Sadly, this is not correct.
Aight is actually a reference to the phrase “AIG fight.” You will commonly hear it during monthly insurance company league softball games. Often, it will be answered by a chant of “Like Great Bambino, State Farm is there!”
So, the next time you tell a friend to meet you at the park to hang out, watch his/her reply carefully. If they say “aight,” they might be bringing along a dozen middle-aged insurance agents in full uniform to hang as well.
Cya is supposedly a shortened form of “c ya,” which is a shortened form of “c you,” which is a shortened form of “see you,” which is a shortened form of “see you l8r,” which is a shortened form of “see you later,” which is a shortened form of “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal…all political connection between them and the State of Great Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved.”
In actuality, cya is the start of the phrase “c yaks ahead.” What the person is really saying, therefore, is that they are looking at a herd of rogue yaks. Yaks, being large and possessing a mob mentality, are quite dangerous, and the person is usually trampled before getting out the rest of what they wanted to say.
The error here is quite understandable. If someone texted you “cya,” and then didn’t text for a while, you’d assumed that they had been saying goodbye. They never finished the phrase, though, because they were actually trampled by yaks. This obviously prevented them from texting for a while after that original text.
Thus, if your friend texts you “cya,” you’d better get your yak repellent and bike helmet and try and save them from their fate.
Of all the incorrect interpretations, this one is most understandable. There really isn’t a shorter version of “because,” aside from cuz. Sadly, just like your AP Calculus ABCDEF homework, the easy answer is not the right answer.
In reality, CUZ is the abbreviation for Alejandro Velasco Astete International Airport, located in Cusco, Peru.
Let’s say your friend tells you, “im @ home cuz im grounded.” All that means is that they are at their home airport in Peru and have been forbidden to fly, probably due to poor weather conditions.
By now, you probably realize I’m about to tell you that this doesn’t mean thanks. It also doesn’t stand for Toddlers Hating Xerox machines. Y’know, as in “Dude, I’m so Toddlers Hating Xerox machines right now I could like, totally wet a diaper. Literally.”
Thx is actually the most straightforward of them all: it stands for THX, the sound company. Since you can’t text sound, thx represents that one “deep note” that you hear as the THX title flashes across the screen. The musical note is simply a symbol of being mind blown by something; the crescendo of the note mimics the explosion in your brain.
Your friend doesn’t thank you for telling them that, “the hw was #s 2-400, evens, and 3-401, odds;” instead, they are simply mind blown at the amount of homework they now have.
The next time you consider texting someone one of these abbreviations, or receive one yourself, realize that you are slowly wrecking the English language. It’s teens like you, people who misuse abbreviations that are already abuses of the original word, that are the reasons why the economy is bad, poverty is yet to be eradicated, and Justin Bieber can still sell out a concert.
Maybe you’ll consider taking those extra three calories to move your thumb to the additional letter buttons, and maybe not. All I know is that until next time, cya
If you’ve been reading this blog since the start, you know that we’ve actually brought you a total of 5 abbreviation definitions. That’s because of a rare post by Ted a long, long time ago, entitled, “Beware of the K Text.”