5 Steps to get rid of Steps

Steps (with warnings)Humans are obsessed with steps.  Not the stair kind, no, because then we wouldn’t have a problem with obesity and the like.  Everyone would be too busy climbing stairs to have heart attacks.  I’m talking about steps in a process.

I think the idea is that we can’t tackle a big task all at once.  So, for instance, if you were trying to, say, create/abolish taxes, that might be daunting to take on.  Actually, that was a bad example, because it has only two steps (first do something about the thousand people inherently opposed to the idea, such as explain to them why they really wouldn’t enjoy life tied up in a cave, then create/abolish a tax law).  Instead, let’s use the example of writing a literary analysis (complements of: my teachers).

Alone, that is a daunting task.  I mean, who forms strong opinions on literature anymore?  Everyone is too busy trying to deal with things that matte-ahem, things that are “less cultured”.  So, step one is to form an opinion, also known as a thesis statement.

Once you have your thesis, there are a number of other steps in the process, such as: create an introduction, create a body paragraph, create another body paragraph, and a third body paragraph, use a lighting rod to give it life, and then step back and observe, “It’s alive! Mwahahaha!” Oh, actually, not all of those are steps in the process, but you get the idea.  A task becomes less daunting with steps.

But isn’t this actually a bad thing?  As a society, we are telling ourselves that we can’t complete a task unless we do it in steps.  We are slowly undermining our own self-confidence, to the point where we will eventually elect a single celled pond organism for president because of the leadership value it offers.  Hold on one second, I need to slap myself, because this paragraph is a little too deep.

Ouch! Sorry.  What really prompted this post, though, is our inability to even create steps.  Just today, I was doing an art project of some sort in a class, and, having spent an hour on step one, moved on to step two. It read: repeat step two.  So, I re-read step two: repeat step two.  So, I re-read step two: repeat step two. So I pulled out a match and engulfed step two in flames, never to haunt me again.

If we, as a society, can’t even write steps, how can we possible complete them? I propose we do away with steps altogether, and instead try to tackle tasks as a whole.  After all, there might not be a football season next year, so I need to see somebody get tackled.

To aid in this long and arduous task of ridding ourselves of steps, I propose a 5-step process:

Step1).  Go to Lowe’s and buy a power tool of some sort (preferably one that can light things on fire).

Step 2). Find a big, heavy dictionary.

Step 3). Find the page(s) with the definitions of the word “step”.

Step 4). Write an angry letter to the publishing company of the dictionary, explaining why steps are a negative thing.

Step 5). Return the power tool to Lowe’s, because it was really only in step one to make you think some sort of violence was ahead.

On a different topic, I’d like to thank KauaiMark for mentioning me on his blog to his readers.

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