A Q and A of Summer Job Interview Questions

If you need money (you do, of course; gum/gas/asparagus is not free), then one option for you this summer might be to get a job.

Although you will hate the low pay, the long hours, and, worst of all, your friends finding out where you work and coming in to make fun of you and wreak general havoc, you will be getting paid. And money directly correlates to those great things I mentioned previously.

Due to the fact that the economy is in worse shape than your brain after you’ve just woken up, though, there are limited job opportunities. Most of the unfilled positions, according to my skewed logic, generally include shoveling animal excrement of some kind, gardening, working at a sales counter, or working at a sales counter selling animal poop to garden with.

In the unlikely even that you find a good job, though, you will probably be interviewed by your future employer.

Here are some possible questions and answers to help you out:

What is your greatest weakness?
Definitely the fact that I am perfect. I have a perfect physique, perfect personality, perfect physique, perfect work ethic, perfect sense of responsibility, and a perfect physique.

Why is that a weakness?
Because…ok, I’m actually a pathological liar. My greatest weakness is a strong attraction to recycling bins. It’s a weakness because I often recycle non-recyclable things.
[Note: while your weakness is weakening, it is not something that impacts your job performance].

Why are you applying for this job?
Because I genuinely want to spend my summer shoveling/selling/loading animal compost. Also, I love your company’s name. I mean, it has both consonants and vowels! It just rolls off the tongue quite nicely.

What will you bring to our workplace?
My amazing personality, my collection of recycling bins, and possibly some minor contagious diseases like the common cold and smallpox.

What is your biggest strength?
Well, I’m perfect. And a pathological liar. Also, sometimes I find that I sprout wings or fins and am able to fly or swim really well for a short time. I’ve won a few triathlons this way.

Are you willing to commit the necessary time for this job? What do you do after school or during the summer?
Well, I volunteer in a nonprofit shelter for underprivileged inner-city children with terminal diseases. I also am captain of the soccer team, football team, basketball team, and cheerleading squad. However, none of those will interfere with this job because I don’t actually sleep, so I can do those things nocturnally.

What is your dream job?
I’d love to work in an animal shelter or food bank, but I figured your company was the next closest thing to a charity. I’d also like to work for an evil multibillion dollar corporation for a year or two just for the experience. Eventually I plan to start my own recycling center, unless I end up working here for the next 60 years.

How did you find out about this job?
The same way EVERYBODY finds out about things: I read it somewhere. I think it may have been on twitter; you know, tweeted by my friend @Philsfriend. It could have also been on Facebook. Although now that I think about it, it might have been Stumbleupon, Reddit, Pinterest, Yahoo Mail, Aol, Bing, Friendster, Myspace, Google, Wikipedia, or Instagram.

Why should we hire you?
Well, that seems to be a simple question. Let’s review: I’m perfect. I like to recycle things. I lie a lot. Just kidding about the lying thing-unless I’m lying about just kidding. I volunteer, showing my ability to exist in a work environment, and I captain sports teams, showing my ability to command fear in the hearts of my peers. Lastly, I am a teen so I am not familiar with what you can and cannot do to your employees to make them work harder.

Last year at this time we brought you “The Real Reason People Cry at Graduation,” which is actually about aliens and zombies and algebra. Just kidding; the title is self-explanatory. I just thought that it needed some sort of additional description. Regardless, you should check it out.

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Comments

  1. Good one, Phil. “minor contagious diseases like the common cold and smallpox.” – lol

    • Thanks, Gramatically Humorous. Although you’re right, I’m sure we have all experienced a common cold that is more than ‘minor.’

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