This page was written a long time ago (February 2011). I’ve left it up, but updated it in the italics. If you’re looking for a slightly more “real” about page, check this out.
This is the first post of this blog, but, hopefully, assuming those investors on Wall Street don’t pull out after this, this is not the last post. So far, so good.
Imagine, for a second, that you have just won the lottery. I know, I know, but humor me. How happy do you feel? Now imagine that 30% of the money you just won goes to taxes, 10% goes to clinging family members, and 20% of it is embezzled by your accountant. Still so happy? Didn’t think so (and for those of you intelligent ones who realize you still have 40% of whatever you won, it turns out the initial winning was a computer error).
Now, guess what the purpose of this blog is? To help you win the lottery? To ruin your dreams with cold, hard facts? Or to make you laugh during those times when you need a laugh? I’ll leave it up to you (try 336758, if you must know).
This blog takes a humorous approach to: high school, politics, pop culture, and political high school pop culture, etc. Yes, I am in high school, and even so, I manage to remain slightly informed and largely misinformed about current events and politics. (Actually, I haven’t touched politics much.)
I find my writing funny, and so does the spider that has decided it would be a good idea to build an impenetrable web over my doorbell, so even if you don’t think I am humorous I will continue to write (unless I exceed an excess of thirty death threats a month, in which case I will flee to an undisclosed location not to exceed five feet from my current residence; also know as hiding under the bed).
Here are some people I think will enjoy this blog: high school students, good-natured high school teachers, literate reptiles, and anyone else who enjoys this blog. Some people who may not enjoy this blog as much are: lawyers (I’ll make fun of you), Politicians (I’ll make fun of you, too), Aliens (mostly, I’ll make fun of whether or not you exist), and anyone else who dislikes this blog (guess why you might dislike it?).
Other things you should know about this blog:
- I am writing for two reasons: to give me a laugh, and to give afore mentioned spider a laugh (you too, I suppose, but then I have to go back and change ‘two’ to ‘three’, even though that would have been easier than typing this explanation).
- I am not writing to uplift your soul, to give insight to a hobby, or to tell you how to make money.
- You should not eat while reading this blog, because you might choke, and a civil lawsuit would not look very good on my college application (although it does show an understanding of and commitment to the legal process if I ever, god forbid, apply to law school).
- I will overuse parentheses (now I will pause so you can re-read the first part looking for proof), but I will try to improve (using a forced method of obedience known as electroshock therapy, which involves me hooking up a car battery system to the ‘(‘ and ‘)’ keys).
- When I learned to type, I ‘faked” using the right shift key on the tests, and I have never used it once in the past five years. I have developed an odd system of typing where my ring finger slides to hit the ‘a’ were I in need of a capitalized one. If anyone would like to buy a like-new right shift key, I’ll sell it to you cheap if you mention this blog.
I have more stuff to say, but no more words come to mind, so I will create a word that perfectly describes this blog: qwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnm. For those nerds like myself who realized I just typed the letters on a keyboard, this perfectly describes this blog: typed on a keyboard. Now, ladies and gentlemen, I give you…[drum roll ensues; one drum rolls halfway across stage and falls into the audience, an anguished scream from audience member three is heard, causing mass hysteria-oh, wait, that’s the blocking for the comedy TV show I wish I was producing, sorry, just a regular drum roll for this one]… The ups, downs, and double-dip recessions of High School Life.