The AP Test: What is it? Some Sort of Apocalypse?

Funny ap testThere’s a famous saying which most of you probably know; it goes “April Showers bring AP Test Hours.”

But wait, you’re thinking, don’t I mean “…May flowers?” NO. I don’t mean “May flowers.” This is an unfair expectation that we humans have for the environment. So what if one flower wants to bloom early, in April, or late, in June? What are you going to do, crush it? And get a name as a cold-blooded person who crushes flowers? That’s what I thought.

I do mean that May brings around AP tests, though. This is something you probably know by now if you have any AP classes this year, and if you have any AP classes but didn’t know this, you should definitely throw yourself at my feet and try to tackle me for ruining your blissful ignorance.

Because this AP test isn’t just a test. Oh no. It’s the hardest test of your life (aside from the SATs, the PSATs, the ACTs, the SAT IIs, the TASs, the APSATs, the SAPTs, the PSAT-APs, and the MRIs).

Each AP test comprises hours, yes, hours of your day. There are countless multiple choice questions and essays galore (galore means 2, right?). The test is so bad that you actually have a break in the middle of it. Most students use this time to stuff their brain back in through their ears and take their writing hand for a quick walk around the counter to work out cramps.

And the best part is: you spend these hours trying to pick up a measly 5 points. Yep, that’s right, the entire test is graded out of 5.

Now, let’s put this in perspective. Your average AP class homework assignment is probably worth about ten points. So, if you did the homework so terribly that you got only half credit, or turned it in late for partial credit, that’s about how many points this test is worth.

Do you realize how badly you have to do on homework to get a 5 out of 10? That means taking a question like: “Which New England colony was supposed to be a ‘city on a hill?'” and answering it with: “Well, there were a lot of hills in New England, but some of them slowly eroded. So, most notably was the Hill-ton colony, which was comprised of a bunch of settlers who came to the new world to start a lucrative hotel chain based around the idea that people would pay extra for cute little shampoo bottles.” Yeah. That’s how many points the AP test is worth.

However, even more ridiculously, this score is considered important. It stacks up against 2,400 possible points on the SAT, 240 points on the PSAT, 800 points on an SAT II, 36 points on an ACT, and a “Well, the good news is that your brain is still functioning,” on an MRI.

Regardless, you are going to have to prepare for the test, if you are taking one. This includes, but is not limited to: taking the AP class, buying a supplemental AP class guide, sleeping less than two hours a night, buying another supplemental AP class guide, walking to your classes frantically talking to yourself, building a house out of all the supplemental AP class guides for your AP class of choice, and/or reading the supplemental class guides or textbook.

Then, of course, you have to sign up for the test. This ensues paying a fee, giving out your personal information, donating a sliver of your spleen, and clicking that link in the confirmation email.

What if you’re not taking an AP test this year? Well, you should definitely take one next year. Why? Because you are a mindless teenager and I told you to.

While this may not sound like a boatload of fun, or even a kayak-full of fun, or even a life preserver-full of fun (yes, I am aware that live preservers have a hole in them, causing a leak, meaning they can hold very small amounts of fun), you have to consider that most students love the subject and are thus willing to make the necessary sacrifices. I mean, who doesn’t love Microeconomics?

Not worried about or not taking AP tests in a few weeks? Then I bet you still have to write essays for class. And that’s where “The Story of the Works Cited Page,” comes in, providing a, um, factual, yeah, factual historical account of why those essays require so much information in each citation.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...

Additional Resources

Want more?

Like this post? Want more just like it? Have a strange rash on your arm that is slowly turning into an alien life form? Subscribe to get more-convenient and free (yes, that is even the solution to that last question).

Grab our Ebook!

Our ebook cover

Want more hilarious content? Get our ebook! It's 5,500+ words with 19 exclusive pictures. You can pick up your copy on our ebook page.

Grab the Badge!

my badgeIf you want to share this blog with your readers, you can copy and paste the html code below.

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: