The Application Guaranteed to Get You in

Application Turn-inThe schedule forecasting storm has hit.  It’s time for students across the nation to debate the merits of Late Arrival vs Early Release.  However, there are a select few who are also applying to application-only classes with 18-wheeler “wide load” truckloads of homework (the truck you see where it’s either an airplane wing on top, an unlucky someone’s house, or the funeral procession of a blue whale), probably because the radiation from their phones has fried what little amount of brain that was leftover from the cooking through the hole in the ozone layer.  See, it’s not our fault that teenagers are sometimes considered crazy-but that’s another post.

The problem with these application-only classes is that they require an application.  Problematic, if you know what I mean.  The schools should realize that by making a class application-only they are lessening the chance that someone falls into the trap of, say, A.P. Western Civilization.  They are deterring others who might take the class simply because it has short words in the title (A and P).

However, like many other posts, I have you wonderful readers covered.  I’ve compiled a list of the most frequently seen questions on class applications and included their choice answers as well.  Just make sure you are the only one from your school who knows of these answers; this can be accomplished by walking around and shouting at the top of your lungs, “HEY, DOES ANYBODY READ THE AMAZINGLY FUNNY UPS, DOWNS, AND DOUBLE-DIP RECESSIONS OF HIGH SCHOOL LIFE  BLOG AT HIGHSCHOOLHUMORBLOG.COM?”

What can you contribute to this class?

I can contribute my learning ability, my speaking skills, my 142,536% effort, a really funny blog url, and my left liver (unless that is the organ you only have one of.  In that case, take my left kidney instead).

Why are you taking this class?

I am taking this class because I was dared to by a little green man who was standing on my breakfast this morning.  I would also like the opportunity to fill out applications because I am worried that I have too much spare time.  Overall, though, I sincerely love this subject.  It is near and dear to my heart, and I recently started a grass-roots movement around this subject.  I have also heard that the teacher makes Einstein look dumb, and I would like to benefit from such awe-inspiring brilliance.

What have your grades been in this subject for the last two years?

Honestly, I don’t think grades are important.  They are just a number, and don’t reflect the true me.  However, since you asked, I can tell you sincerely that yes, I have grades in this subject for the last two years.  Both years, the teachers were so amazed at my academic achievement that they called up my parents to congratulate them on my brilliance.

Do you work well in groups?

Of course I work well in groups.  My group always has the most fun, and that is what matters.  It also helps that my uncle, Vinny, lives nearby and is always willing to pay other group members a friendly visit if they do not do their work.

Do you think you would be a good addition to this class? Explain.

Well, originally, I was just applying for the heck of it, the emotional rush.  However, looking over how well formulated this application questionnaire was, I think that I would be a great addition to this class.

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Comments

  1. vilite246 says:

    I would totally write that on an application. Let’s just say I’ve had bad experiences with them. Like one time this year, my teacher gave us a form for this writing contest. We had to talk about why we wrote this piece. I said, (and I’m looking at the form right now, so this is word for word) “I wrote this piece because my teacher made me. Seriously. She threatened me with an F if I didn’t turn in an interesting and humorous piece for work. So I wrote propaganda to make people involve themselves in the illegal organ trade that goes around the deepest parts of northern Canada. (Tell me that doesn’t say sketchy.) Yes, I got that idea from a blog. [I didn’t write this, but the blog was HSHB] She thought it was creative, but slightly inappropriate. Nevertheless, my teacher held me hostage in her bedroom (I thought teachers lived in school. Her bedroom was actually normal. Not a single book/pencil/binder/motivational poster/torture device/AK-47s) and made me watch repeated Twilight marathons, until I bleached my eyes and sent this in.” Yes, that’s EVERYTHING I wrote. And yes, I did include all the parantheses in my actual form, except for the brackets.

    I won second place, lost to some dude who wrote about the symbolism of Taylor Lautner’s abs, when it comes to poverty and ending global warming and stopping the organ trade.

    The judge commented saying that my propaganda was hilarious, a knee-slapper and slightly creepy. She also said the random Twilight references were unnecessary and without them, I would have probably won first. (That makes no sense. The Twilight references are why it was hilarious.)

    • Nice. That’s pretty funny. You definitely should have won first.

      • vilite246 says:

        I’m sure she took off points because I’m a teenager. Want to know a secret? I’m actually in 7th grade. Yup. I’m looking forward to high school, though.

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