The Best Ways to Answer “What Did You Do This Summmer?”

A Joke (Which may or may not be funny)I hate to say it.  It’ll probably kill me to say it.  But I have to: Summer is just about over.  For some of you, it may have already ended.  In that case, it’s time to start counting the days until Winter Break, or the next weekend.  Or even lunch break.

See? I’m already scaring myself.  The countless hours spent sitting in class, falling asleep while chewing gum-I don’t ever want to go back.  Especially because falling asleep while chewing gum usually ends up with hospital visit, tubes, and/or a corpse, depending on the flavor and manufacturer of the gum.

One thing I guarantee* that you will be asked is “What did you do this summer?” It may be a casual acquaintance, a homework assignment, or a broken fortune cookie printer.  You should be prepared.  With the tips I’ve compiled, you can answer this question absolutely perfectly.

*there’s really no catch this time, but the word “guarantee” just doesn’t look right without an asterisk

Make ‘Em Envious

The best thing to have as a teen amongst peers is the envy of others.  With it, you can make a bunch of bad jokes on how you knew your school was becoming green, but you didn’t think it was this “green.”

To instill the proper amounts of envy, you just need a really great story and, as a bonus, counterfeit skills-that way, you can back your story up.  Maybe you graduated from Harvard over the summer.  Make yourself a diploma.  Maybe you invented a better bug spray (if you ever do, by the way, I’d suggest naming it “Lawyer off!” or maybe “Pestisalesman”), and you have a bottle of the stuff.  Just be careful you don’t make up any stories about being famous, because (if you read this blog) nobody will believe that you are stupid enough.

Sarcasm

According a respected research group made up of me and my pet rock (and, if he feels like showing up for work, the spider on my doorbell), you can live for six years on nothing but water and sarcasm.  In this case, sarcasm can be a terrific choice.  Possible answers include “Same thing the last four people you asked did this summer,” “Dreamt about coming back to school so somebody would ask me that,” and “Saw a Republican apologize to a Democrat for intentionally running him off the road.” (Come on, that won’t ever happen).

Plan for your future

Simple questions like these are the foundations for greatness.  For instance, when Abe Lincoln was asked that in grade school, he probably replied, “Helped out with my dad’s business.”  What a terrific answer! I’m pretty sure that every President up to that point had nothing to do over the summer but help out or chop down cherry trees (unless your dad was a lumberjack, in which case you could do both), meaning anyone smart enough to answer with that was comparable to all the other presidents (and the entire population of the world, save maybe Russia, where you helped out with “the people’s” business).

So, if you plan to be a politician, answer something like, “Tried to stop a fight I saw on the street, and somehow ended up with both sides mad at me.”  For any other career, answer, “Got mad at some guy trying to stop a fight on the street.”

Confess

We all have deep, dark secrets, according to reality TV.  Also, none of us ever need to sleep for more than two minutes at a time, according to reality TV.  This question is a great opportunity to break down into tears.  Maybe you dropped a dish.  Maybe you dropped a dish on your little brother.  You might’ve even dropped a dish on your little brother intentionally.  Now is the time to confess.

Keep it short

Teens are well known for their ability to convey so much information in so few words, such as “hey,” which can range from “Hey, what’s up?” to “Hey, why’d you shoot me in the leg?”

Keep your answer to this question short.  I’d recommend “Nothing,” “Not much,” or “Confidential” as great choices.

Now that you’re prepared to answer this question, you should know that any other question you answer just won’t sound as rehearsed.  Because of that, you should always have some sort of distraction prepared, like setting your hair on fire.

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