Quiz: How Many Hours would you last during High School Finals?

FinalsSchool ends in a month, and, like a bad blog post, you want it to end, but there’s that little bit of you that thinks: do you really want it to end? (The answer is yes).  Of course, just like a bad blog post, and Rebecca Black, the more time you spend reading/watching/attending, the worse it gets.  Which means that the last week of school will be full of these little inconveniences known as finals.

They are not as inconvenient as, say, waking up on the wrong side of the bed and breaking your nose because the bed is against a wall, then being carted to a hospital where they inform you that they will need to amputate your nose and that you will walk around looking like Voldemort for the rest of your life (unless, of course, you are somebody famous, in which case many people will rush to amputate their nose), but more inconvenient then, say, getting pushed into a pool while wearing a tuxedo.

I’d like to start off, two paragraphs too late, by telling you why finals are so stressful.  Basically, finals determine your grade, which determines your GPA, which determines what colleges you will apply/get accepted to, which can determine your job opportunities, which determines whether or not you have the free time to blog for the rest of your life.  See? It’s you who are stressing me out, reader.  You can cure this, though.  I’ve noticed that after 10,000 followers or so, the stress significantly decreases.

Either way, I figured that I would show you just how stressful finals are by quizzing you on how many hours you would last before a complete mental breakdown (or worse).

Readers: Same note as last time.  Like quizzes? Don’t like ‘em? Comment (this is only my second quiz, so feedback is welcome).

1. How many hours of sleep do you usually get a night?
10-12 hours
8-10 hours
6-8 hours
4-6 hours
2-4 hours
Must…get…coffee…
2. How much do you value grades?
More than sleep
More than my phone
More than Facebook
More than my pet rock
More than anything
3. How well do you perform under pressure? (For reference purposes, let’s say there is a cat caught in a tree that you’re trying to rescue, and, of course, a national news crew is there filming).
Not well-I’d pretend that I actually took the ladder out to fix some loose shingles
Fairly well-I’d probably only break my arm falling off the ladder before I saved the cat
Well enough-I’d save the cat, then fall and break my arm
Very well-I wouldn’t use a ladder, I’d just climb the tree
Supernaturally well-I’d fly up, save the cat, and then transform back into mild-mannered me
4. If you had 1:30 to write an essay, how far would you get?
I might not finish…my last name
Wait, wait, wait, last sentence…
The intro’s done; body paragraphs, here I come!
Now I’ve got time to finally get some sleep
5. Do you ever check your work?
Yes, I scan it quickly.
No, only people like the National Security Advisor, the Supreme Court, or that guy who works at the drive-through (especially him) should check their work.
I double my work time because I check my work frequently.
I know I should, but I’m too busy doing other things…like reading this blog.
6. Your work ethic: let’s say you have a 3-page essay due tomorrow about modern Europe. Which of these best describes you?
It’s already done-I only read this blog after I do my homework.
I’d finish it before dinner.
It’ll get done.
Well, I’m sure I can do it at lunch, I mean, I already know that, like, France, China, and Australia are all in Europe.
I’ll be up late tonight.
7. Reaction to challenges-if life gives you lemons, you:
Don’t swing (and take the strike)-you’re waiting for the curveball instead.
Make lemonade.
Sell them for profit, buy more lemons, repeat that process, and eventually dominate the national economy so that they name a stock market average after you (who was ‘Dow Jones’, anyways?).
Make a gourmet 5-course meal.
Throw them at somebody.
8. How much self-confidence do you have?
I can speak comfortably in front of a crowd.
I smudge my name when I write it so no one will notice if I accidentally misspell it.
I wouldn’t be fazed if I had to sing karaoke in front of a crowd (and the song was by Bieber).
I try to blend in and not be noticed.

Returning One’s Textbook gives the same benefits as Dead Fish

Inside Cover of TextbookI’ve heard that a number of things can teach you how to say goodbye for good.  The worst argument I’ve ever heard in favor of buying a child a fish, for example.  This opinion is that fish are good because when they die (which fish are known for doing), the child will learn to say goodbye.

Whenever I hear that, I know I’m in the presence of one of those people who is convinced that Global Warming is a conspiracy theory propagated by rich oil companies as an advertising campaign (I’m sorry so many of my political jokes are about the environment lately, but it is one political issue I think that most of you will agree needs fixing.  I couldn’t use abortion the same way, because some of you are in favor, some of you are against, and some of you get abortion and abstinence mixed up).

Basically, this argument says that there are actually benefits to young children crying over dead fish.  The only benefit I can think of is that the pet stores sure make a killing with repeat customers.

Another way I suppose someone could learn to say goodbye is by watching sappy movies.  Then, when their spouse/friend/partner/accountant leaves them due to their poor taste in movies, they will learn to say goodbye.

More personally, though, I think that the returning of textbooks is an emotional subject, at least for myself.  I mean, I’ve been with the same four textbooks all year, and we’ve really bonded.  Therefore, I’ve drafted some goodbye letters that I would like you to see before I send them; feedback is welcome.

 

Dear Math Textbook,

Do you remember all of those fun times we had in class, with you as my pillow?  I will certainly miss those.  You were a great friend in times of need, and, although you caused my back to require insert-a-metal-rod-oscopy surgery, you were genuinely fun loving.

I especially love your cover illustration.  It is very creative of your publishers to have somehow tied a soccer ball, the great pyramids, and the Golden-Gate Bridge all to math; while I don’t see the connection, I’m sure it increased the interest level most people have in math.

I am sorry for that one time I dropped you.  The fact that your condition went from “New” to “Thank-God-for-duct-tape” shows how much fun we had together.

I’ll miss you,

Phil

 

Dear Science Textbook,

I would like to apologize for almost setting you on fire, but aren’t you glad you’re not John’s textbook? Ha ha.  I would like to thank you for having so much useless information; you made a great scavenger hunt out of finding the title of each chapter.

One of these days I will try to come back and visit.  I heard rumors that they might replace the science textbooks next year, so I wish you luck in your future career (can I recommend speech-writer?).

I appreciate that you stood firm against those who wanted to remove certain parts of you (such as your evolution chapters), although, seeing as you are pretty much an unbendable pile of thick paper and cardboard, I don’t see how you couldn’t have stood firm.

Miss you,

Phil

 

Dear Spanish Textbook,

You were, by far, my least favorite textbook, because you had the fewest pages (I love learning).  Thus, it is your fault I almost left you on the plane (which was next going to France, by the way.  Let’s see you learn a new language; it’s harder than it looks).

We had a great time conjugating those verbs, except for the irregular ones.  It is a shame that you will be slowly and steadily replaced by things such as Google Translate, but that’s the “Name of the Game,” or the “Llama del Partido.”

I would like to thank you for having best-of-the-90’s graphics.  Your colorful page borders and shadowed pictures made it seem as if your publishers were almost eager to show off (“Look! I can make a yellow swirly!”).

Miss you (but not as much as some others),

Phil

 

Dear History Textbook,

I never really used you for more than an hour a week, and I apologize.  Talk to my teacher, it’s not my fault.  I’d like to thank you for having so much misinformation, according to my teacher and other authorities.  You must have been the Wikipedia of your day.

I enjoyed thumbing through your maps; I learned that the United States is located in the northern hemisphere.  I’m sure that will help me later in life, especially if I apply for a job at Hank’s auto repair (“What type of wrench would you use for small engine repair?” “Well, I think it would be a wrench from the northern hemisphere, but it could also be from other places, like the Southern Hemisphere, etc.”).

Miss you (not really),

Phil