5 Ways to Embellish a Project

An example of a perfect projectDo you every have lower-back pain for days at a time? Do you ever experience severe cramps in the abdominal area? Do you ever think High School Humor Blog is the best blog ever? Do you ever want to turn in something more exciting than your typical, boring school projects? If you answered yes to either of the first two questions, contact your doctor. If you answered yes to either of the last two questions, read the rest of this post.

Throughout the year, we high schoolers turn in many deeply philosophical homework assignments and projects. While the scholarly level of these pieces is always at a high level, there is one aspect that could use improvement: the presentation. However, I have created five fantastic methods of embellishing your project. Not only will you have a higher sense of self-satisfaction in your work, but teachers will be so amazed by the presentation that they have no choice but to give you an A!

1). Spruce it up…with WordArt!

WordArt – if used correctly, this tool can be a key asset for your academic success. A typical student would use WordArt on, perhaps, the title page of a project. The problem here is that the rest of the project is left bland and boring. Therefore, my first method of project embellishment is to choose a few words throughout your project. Then, use WordArt on that word every time! For example, maybe you’re writing an essay on the post-colonialism issues of Africa. Choose good words, like corruption and Gaddafi. Next, embellish those words with bright, vibrant colors and cool three-dimensional features. Now you’ve got the best project in the class.

2). Stapling Spree!

It is human instinct to be attracted to shiny metal things, and there is a great opportunity to integrate those into your school projects: staples. But one staple in the top-left corner is sooo boring. Instead, do better and staple all four corners! Although this embellishment method may create some issues in terms of turning pages, no worries! Your teacher will be so mesmerized by the four shiny staples that they must assume the rest of the project is just as good.

3). Set it on fire!

Throughout, elementary school, middle school, and high school, teachers have the habit of assigning projects about the medieval times. Usually, the directions are along the lines of, “Create a ‘Medieval Diary’ from a serf’s standpoint. Be creative in presentation of the project.” Apparently, some English king during the middle ages read Fahrenheit 451 and got ideas, so every student decides to singe the edges of their ‘Medieval Diary’ to make it look authentic. But, in my opinion, this method can be applied to any other type of project – for example, your 91-page dissertation about the neurological effects of cheese. When you’re done, just light it on fire. But for authenticity purpose, let the whole thing burn. Then, turn it in and your teacher is sure to love it!

4). Your own art form!

Paintings, sketches, and drawings are too mainstream, so why not create your own art form. I suggest do something really unique, like taping hundred dollar bills throughout your project. For some reason, teachers love creative art forms like this, and tend to give those projects A+s.

5). An Awesome Pseudonym!

It’s official; your name is way too boring. It is so boring, that it hurts to put it on the first page of your important project. Solution: think of a pseudonym. For example, say you’re writing a paper about the human effects on global climate. Instead of writing at the bottom, “By: Boring Name,” think of a random, made-up name like Al Gore. Because the truth is, your name is just inconvenient, but a silly name like Al Gore is sure too embellish your project and get you the best grade possible.

5 Types of Odd Substitute Teachers

KauaiMark has put a guest post that both Ted and I wrote for him on his blog.  It is a full-length post that can be found here.  You should definitely check it out, because it provides valuable information that could (but probably won’t) help you in some way.  Also, this is the first ever post that was written by both Ted and I.

“A must-read for anyone who metabolizes!  Terrific! Fantastic! Karl Marx, beware, there is a new set of humor writers coming to town.”-The NYT* Book Review.

*Note: NYT stands for National Yodeler’s Times.  Want to know why the Yodelers gave it such a great review? Read the post and find out.

The Best Addition to Your Perfect Schedule

School ScheduleHigh school is a place of opposites. First of all, there are the practically-crazy people who ‘challenge’ themselves by taking classes that inflict hours of work and extreme sleep-deprivation. These people are determined, motivated individuals who have unusual definitions of success (ie: 4 hours of sleep due to a 4-point assignment).

On the other hand, there are the students who value things such as sleep and sanity. In order to live by their core values, these students take mind-boggling classes like study hall, late arrival, early release, and PE.

Of course, most people would think that the first group (self-inflicting sleep-deprived over-achievers) would be more valued by a high school due to typical academic standards. Yet in my experience, high schools encourage the exact opposite. This means that counselors will strive to convince each student that since the change from 8th grade to freshman year is a “tough transition,” the student must make their classes as small of a challenge as possible. This leads to many students filling their schedule with PEs and study halls galore, but sometimes – God forbid – there is still a free period in the schedule.

This ‘free period’ I speak of is a true terror. It is when there are no more easy classes to take — when one must choose from the vast plethora of actual classes which require actual work. My friends, this is nothing to joke about, for it may impose potentially another 10 minutes of work each night; a toll that no high school student can take. Thus, as a noble, valiant blogger, I have created a solution to this issue. The solution is as follows:

New Class Option: “Intro to Basics – For Beginners!”

“Intro to Basics – For Beginners” involves hard work and provides an unbeatable learning experience. Derived from programs at some of the nation’s most prestigious institutions, the modified curriculum of the class teaches students absolutely everything about how to learn absolutely nothing! In the class, students are encouraged to learn in a more natural manner. This includes student-ran field trips to nearby 7-Eleven stores as well as productive tutorials on sleeping through class (and even fire-drills!). In order to ensure focus and continuous learning throughout the semester, the class provides a pre-determined grading scale:

10 Points – Miss the class in order to sleep-in at home.

10 Points – Buy a Big Gulp Slurpie along with one of those gross chili-dogs that no one ever buys from a gas station.

30 Points – Complete the REM cycle using a binder as a pillow during a single class period.

50 Points – Annoy everyone else in the classroom using a new, creative method.

As you may have noticed, the number of points from each criterion adds up to a total of 100 points. Thus, completing each task the suggested number of times (the number of points for each task) ensures a perfect 100 percent! For some, this fantastic achievement comes easy, but for others, it does not. The only way you can know is if you participate in this once-in-a-lifetime learning experience. So I encourage you to sign up and give “Intro to Basics – For Beginners” a try. The class truly is the best foundation for a successful future!

3 Brilliant New Ways to Text in Class

Are you tired of the challenges that go along with texting in class? Are you tired of experiencing back-pains from leaning down and reaching in your bag, pretending to grab a pencil for four minutes, thinking no one can tell that you are texting? If you are done with all that hassle, then try “Ted’s New Ways to Text in Class!”

1. “Just Grabbing Some Soup”

They’re innocent, they’re hot, and nobody would every suspect them. Yes, they are the awesome insulated Thermos Cups. And nothing goes better with those cups than some Alphabet Soup. So you are in class, and your teacher sees you reaching into a steamy cup of soup. When she asks what you are doing, you simply say that you are searching for a letter ‘W’ in your alphabet soup. But secretly, your phone is inside the cup, hidden by the cover of soup. Unfortunately, there are some side-effects.* Don’t let that stop you! Ted’s “Just Grabbing Some Soup” method is a genius choice.

*Approximately 100% percent of users experience burns on the hand, and 98% of the users’ cell phones experience fatal injuries.

2. “Time To Play Some Darts”

What does everyone have at school? What could you carry around and go completely unnoticed? In fact, there is one amazing answer for both amazing questions: darts! While darts make a fun game and effective weapons, let’s not underestimate their potential uses. Instead of texting in class behind the cover of a textbook, let darts do the work. First, slide your cell phone on the ground to a strategic location outside the door. Then, throw your darts precisely through the crack of the door onto your cell phone keyboard. With your phenomenal dart-throwing abilities, I’m sure you will type an accurate text. Be careful though! In the past, some users have been charged for first degree murder, but don’t let that stop you! Ted’s “Time To Play Some Darts” method is a genius choice.

3. “New Chewing Gum”

It tastes good, it comes in packs, and high schoolers love chewing on it very obnoxiously. It’s gum! But aren’t we all tired of 5 and Trident and all those other brands. Why don’t we instead chew on our cell phones? Yes, I said it! It is a simple process. All you have to do is chew with your mouth wide open, and make loud noises that all the class can hear. Then, you’ll blend right in. But wait, there’s more! When you are obnoxiously chewing on you cell phone, carefully use your teeth and tongue to text your buddies. While this texting method has lead to multiple choking deaths, it has also lead to the discovery that the human body can digest a Blackberry Pearl. Therefore, Ted’s “My New Chewing Gum” method is a genius choice.