The English Language has Too Many Words-But I’ve Got Solutions

A dictionary with a biteOr should that be “to” many words? See what I mean? A simple 2 (pun not intended) letter word has three spellings! That’s more spellings than letters.

Obviously, this is the reason teens can’t be bothered two no the difference between words and they’re homophones.

But let me step back (into the world of proper conventions, because it gives me a headache just to re-read that last sentence), and analyze this from a scientific point of view.  Yes, it makes much more sense now.

From a “scientific viewpoint” (that means my “point of view” is purely “scientific”), these words all appear to be very similar-in fact, they appear to all be made up of the same “microscopic” (that means “there’s no way for the average person to disprove this theory without a $500,000 dollar microscope”) particles called atoms.  Now, if you’ll give me a particle collider/accelerator, I’m sure I’ll come up with a solution (or at least have fun breaking the laws of physics).

But I should stop making fun of scientists and re-visit the problem at hand: namely, there are numerous words in the English language that mean pretty much the same thing.  For instance, I use antagonistic, propagandistic, and agnostic interchangeably, mostly because they sound similar and I’ve no idea what any one of those words means.

In fact, that whole concept could save us millions of pages of dictionary paper instantly: “If they don’t know what it means, throw it out.”  That ought to pare down the dictionary to a reasonable 4,000 pages (assuming “they” don’t have an overly large vocabulary, such as English teachers).

Actually, that’s really not that reasonable at all-if I had to cram that much (4,000 pages) for a test, I’d probably make it through 14 pages before I gave up and started praying for a good grade.

So, to further pare down the dictionary, I propose we start utilizing modern language techniques (I’ll take the lead by promising not to use utilize, or should I say, utilize the word utilize, again for this post).  This means that you don’t need the extra “search it in” in ‘search it in google’, but can rather say, “I’m gonna google it.”  No, I didn’t write this sentence in Microsoft word, I MS W’ed it.  LOL, right?

And let’s not forget the ‘saviors of awkward pauses’ in modern language: ‘like’, ‘you know’, and ‘um’.  That alone should remove about half of the remaining words; for instance, long words such as anguished can be thrown out-all you need to say is that, “Dude, he was, like, sad.”  The same goes for words such as anachronism, which can simply become, “Remember that one long word? It meant, um, you know.”

Heck, not only does this method have benefits in modern application, such as shortening dictionaries and conversations, but it can also be applied to those classics such as “Romeo and Juliet.” (“Um, like, why are you, Romeo?”).

The only thing you need to watch out for is taking the ‘purge’ of language too far.  I mean, just based on the enthusiasm I personally have for this idea, I can easily see how you might get carried away.

So then, if that happens, I just ask that you please leave exactly enough words to communicate basic needs.  I’m not even asking that you leave enough words to communicate all needs, because that’s impossible (for those of you who know Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, ‘self-actualization’ got tossed out back at the “If they don’t know what it means, throw it out” stage).

This way, you can still communicate the vital things, such as: “I hungry,” “I thirsty,” “I sleepy,” and “The squared length of each leg of a right triangle is congruent to the length of the hypotenuse squared.”  Otherwise, we might end up with this:

A: “OOooOh! Ughghnm!” (I hungry)

B: “OooUOueeh Menwehl!” (“TOUCHDOWN!”)

A: “Heweslk Grwogbwski, OGHGH! (I very hungry!)

B: “Oalkdf Grewbo, aslkdj aret.” (Oh no, there’s a flag on the play).

A: “Oadfsk selewew…” (Much better…)

B: “GOWiebLEL MicsrehweQ! (What happened to my Goldfish!?)

Actually, evaluating that situation, I think it is pretty clear we do need words in order to communicate.  Since it is too easy to get excited using my previous offered methods, I suggest that we simply use this formula: if a word appears in the reading section of the SAT, toss it out.

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Comments

  1. Words are also numbers which can be reduced, even down to one word. At some point in such re-learning process the conscious and unconscious mind merge, become one. Which may also unleash 90-100% of ones own mind power. “s’tI liek eht smea way boht mdins cemo totheger ot comrpenhd thsi snetecne.” Either way who am I to ask or tell you or anyone anything? Be (believe) what you want to be (believe).

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