Great Advice for Your Career

Now I know what you’re thinking.  How could I, a self-proclaimed high schooler, have any advice in my sleep-deprived brain for you, a ­[insert profession, hobby, or personality trait here]?  But I do.  Also note that I’m going to stop telling you what you are thinking from this point on, to save myself time and to force you to actually form coherent thoughts.

I got bored during class the other day, when I’d finished an assignment and was waiting for the rest of the class to finish.  So guess what I did?  I started doodling in my planner.  That’s right.  No, I have no artistic ability, or any creative expression.  I was bored, so I doodled.  So, being bored, I doodled to entertain myself, that is, I doodled on the picture of smiling people in my planner (calendar) who were apparently happy to be placed next to the extremely motivational words, “stay focused”.

Having no artistic ability and looking for fun, I gave them each distinct features.  Person one got a nose job, a goatee, and fangs (this was a 30-ish year old women).  Person two, a 10-ish year old child, got every other tooth blacked out.  Person three, a 30-ish year old man (I have no sense of age, so ish could be + or – 10 years, actually, make ish + or – 10-ish years), got a goatee that started from his receding hairline and included his eyebrows; he also was given a set of ‘angry eyebrows’.  Finally, I was unable to deface person 4, a 30-ish year old women, because the planner company beat me to it.  Half of her face was cut off by the binding and space between pages, a fact that I’m sure her agent was furious with.

My advice for your career? Don’t model for teenage products that involve your picture on easily accessible paper.  Since that probably isn’t enough advice to title the post after it, here is some more advice for your career:

  • Avoid substitute-teaching jobs unless you are a stand-up comedian, strongman, or convicted criminal.
  • If hiring a high schooler for a job, their intelligence is inversely proportional to the number of useless accessories they are wearing.
  • Scientists: high schoolers will agree to just about anything for money (if you know what I mean).
  • School Bus Drivers: everyone will think you are cooler if you take turns on two wheels.

Now that I have gotten that out of the way, I feel it is no longer unethical to title my post the way I did (although much of the advice I just gave you is probably unethical; use it at your own risk).

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