How Teenagers Keep Time

In a world where every aspect of society is scheduled, there was a group who dared to rebel.  No, I’m not writing the next dystopian novel knockoff, but rather, I am going to give insight into how ‘us youth’ keep time.

To begin, you need to realize that teenagers have no sense of or care for the regular time.  We’ll be late, we’ll be early, we might show up a day or two off (and all those times you just thought you were being stood up), but that is because our clock is different.

There are a number of factors that regulate the teen clock.  The first is food.  When we’re hungry, we eat.  When we’re not hungry, we might also eat, but let’s ignore that fact.  The second factor is homework load.  This directly correlates to the amount of sleep we get.

Another factor is school; without it, scientific studies that I’m sure someone has done somewhere (even if you think I’m making this up) have shown that teenagers forget what day of the week it is.

Thirdly, whom we are with and what we are doing also affects the passage of time.  If we are with friends, our time moves quickly, so we might lose track of it.  When we are being lectured, time can’t move fast enough.  When we are asleep, we sleep a long time…and then roll over and sleep some more.

Maybe teenagers are, in fact, sloths.  There’s an interesting theory, but I can’t make any other connections, so forget I said anything.

I apologize.  This post was supposed to be really funny, but right now it is about as funny as something that isn’t funny.  That wasn’t funny.  I should probably stop before I create a time-space continuum paradox of ‘funny’. I’ll stop now.

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  1. "…realize that teenagers have no sense of — the regular time"

    Sadly, also there are people that can't tell time unless it's a digital display. The old long/short hand thing on a clock face is just moveable art to them.

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