It’s Summer; Sleep In Until Bedtime

A 'math' equation about sleepNow, if you think about it, sleep is pretty awesome. For one thing, you can’t do homework (not good) while asleep. You can’t do chores (also not a good thing to do) while asleep. If you’re asleep, you’re not dead (another thing it’s generally terrible to be), unless, of course, you are using the word sleep as euphemism*.

*And that’s just not right. Are you sure you’re a teen? How do you even know that word?

But some people aren’t so gung-ho about sleep. You probably don’t even do those people the justice of calling them human; you probably call them parents.

Now it’s not as if all parents are against sleep. No, they want us to get sleep. However, they want us to get sleep when they say so. This, dear readers, is a problem.

When to Be Awake

Ideally, you’d be awake from the hours of 7:00 PM through to 6:00 AM. We all know that those are the best hours. First of all, the fact that it is summer means the sun is out a lot. If you are outside during the day, you might get sunburnt. Worse, there is a 100% chance that you’ll maybe probably get skin cancer. That’s awful.

But if you’re out and about from 7:00 PM-6:00 AM, it is unlikely you’ll get skin cancer. The sun will be setting and rising, not directly above you.

There are other benefits to these hours as well. For example, food. Breakfast is by far the best meal of the day; it is the meal where you can basically eat just dessert. You can choose from sugary cereals, pancakes and syrup, waffles and syrup, oatmeal and brown sugar, orange juice that was ‘naturally’ sweetened, toast and cinnamon-sugar, fresh fruit and syrup, syrup and sugar, and, best of all, sugary cereal and syrup with a light dash of sugar.

So, let’s say you get up at the nice ripe time of 7:00 PM. You should have breakfast, because you just woke up. Then, you might have a snack, which, by definition, should be junk food or leftover breakfast. By 12:00 AM you’re ready for lunch, and, oh, would you look at that, it’s the AM again, so you should have breakfast food. Then, at 5:00 AM, you should eat a dinner, but who eats steak or pasta at 5:00 AM? That’s just weird. So, you should have breakfast foods again.

Why There is No Problem Here

I’m positive that, as a teen, you agree with ninety percent of what I just said, and didn’t understand the other ten percent. However, your parents are a different story; they may be convinced that the above reasoning is lunacy.*

*Like euphemism, you should not know what this word means. Move along.

So, I’ll explain the arguments to you, so you can thus explain it to your parents.

To start, you are still getting plenty of sleep. Do the math, and you’ll see that you’re getting a good strong 13 hours of sleep. It’s not the most possible sleep, but it is hopefully enough to survive. Putting that into perspective for your parents, it is known that the Koala bear sleeps around 22 hours every day. And here you are asking for only 13. Totally reasonable.

Furthermore, who says that your parents are right? Why are humans supposed to be awake during the day, and asleep during the night? Now that we have electricity, anything’s possible. Putting aside that convincing skin cancer argument, just look at what your parents are supporting.

In the last hundred years of sleeping at night and getting up early, we’ve been through 2 World Wars, created global warming, come close to all-out nuclear war, have had numerous years of bad economies, and have watched Justin Bieber rise to fame. What if the cause of all these awful things is the fact that people have been awake when they were really supposed to be asleep, making them less rational, alert, and content? Prove it wasn’t.

Finally, sleeping in as often and as late as you want is good for security reasons. If you’re up during the night, then you’ll be more likely to warn of or fend off a surprise night attack by the Russian Mafia, Italian Mob, or Door-to-Door Landscaping Service Salesmen.

“Early to bed and early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise,” may still be true. But we’re teens. We don’t care about our health, wealth, or wisdom. We care abou-zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Last year at this time, we brought you a couple of vacation topic-centered posts, including “How to Get to the Airport on Time,” “What can You Learn from Hotel Amenities?“, and, highlighting a popular vacation destination, “The Big Apple: Is There a Worse Name?

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  1. Phil, Loved this post!! The exaggerated timings, skin cancer etc.

  2. This is coo. i’m impressed

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