Learning About the Middle Ages (and Avoiding Depression)

I’m sure you’re aware that it is incredibly difficult for teens to learn about anything, period.  Heck, look at simple grammar rules.  Most teens still don’t know the difference between “your” and “you’re,” including you’res truly.

But there are certain subjects that take extra effort to master.  Such as medicine, where you need to spend thousands of dollars on medical school so you understand how your patients feel when they pay thousands of dollars for treatment.  One of these subjects, as you may have gathered from the title of this piece, is the Middle Ages.

What’s wrong with the Middle Ages, you ask? What’s right with the middle ages? Famine, plague, death, repeat.  It can be very depressing, especially because it shows how stupid you are, that you don’t know what words such as famine, plague, and, possibly, death mean.

So, having studied these wonderful Middle ages myself recently, I thought that I was fully certified to ramble on about anything distantly related to the study of the middle ages.  For instance, did you know that if the black death had been named by the corporate world, it would actually be the Off-White Minor Affliction? (You’ve got to love big corporations, what with ‘downsizing’ for ‘You’ve lost your job but we will provide the cardboard box’ and ‘uncatered’ meaning ‘There won’t be doughnuts?!?’).

I think the first thing to remember when learning about the middle ages is that they were, after all, only the middle ages.  For all you know, the beginning ages or the end ages may be more pleasant.  (Discussion question: what are we living in? The ‘now ages’?).

Also, it wasn’t as if there was mass communication during these ages.  Many people were spared the feelings of worldwide suffering because there were no social networking sites to share things such as ‘whole town jus died in locust famine’ or ‘my plumbing* isn’t sanitary enough’.

*Plumbing here referring to the ditch in the street outside your house, or, quite possibly, the ditch in the floor inside your house.

Finally, the Black Death only spanned about 50 years, so it really only affected, at maximum lifespan, 14 generations (avg. lifespan=3.5 years, unless you died before that).

If you are still depressed, I suggest you make fun of the history book.  For instance, the deaths of 44% of the population in one area is known in my textbook as a “fascinating history.”  The other problems with my textbook that take my mind off of the actual learning/depression include a lack of bolded words, long words, and the fact that the typist’s “enter” key must have been dysfunctional, choosing to work only every 40,000 words or in a place where a paragraph break makes no sense to the average person.

In conclusion, I’m very thankful I don’t live in the middle ages, and you should be too (unless you are between 37-60 years old, in which case, make up your own bad joke).  Honestly, I’m not sure how I could’ve coped, what with “reduced caloric intake,” “Edward I’s incompetent son,” and “The province of Languedoc,” which are somehow related and all terrible and awful things.  I’m sure your smart enough to figure it out, because you’re textbook won’t explain it.

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