The Problems and Uses of Trust Falls

Trust FallingDepending on who you are, you may or may not know what a trust fall is.  Basically, the idea is that if you fall on someone and they catch you, you can trust them.  This springs from the philosophy that everyone is a scheming, backstabbing monster, and people having over-interpreted the idea of Social Darwinism.  Often, one trust fall spurs another, because teenagers are mindless followers who think that falling on people is a brilliant idea.  To the onlooker, however, it appears that plague has struck.  I mean, imagine it.

You are walking down a high school hallway, and then-whoosh-the person to your left just went down.  Whoosh-person on the right.  Whoosh-whoosh-whoosh-whoosh.  You’re the only one standing, frantically trying not to breath the contaminated air or come in contact with the collapsing teenagers. That is why trust falls are the leading cause of insanity in adults who infrequently visit high school hallways.

Also, injuries from dropped trust-fallees are rising; last year alone I would estimate that 5,468 people visited the emergency room from this, based off of a survey I conducted in 1732.  This is absolutely horrible; just think of how crowded the ER waiting rooms must be.  If that isn’t bad enough, I should mention that the teen years are the stage in your life when your brain is wired wrong (but Ed from the radio will fix that, and he gives free estimates, too!), so if you were dropped the first time, and, somehow, weren’t injured, it is likely that you thought it would be a good idea to fall until somebody caught you.

Worse is the fact that trust falls have led to a decrease in trustworthy people.  Often, the trustworthy person is crushed to death when trying to catch the fallee, due to rising obesity problems.

You could prevent trust falls, if you wanted.  All you need are some strong magnets, so people repel each other.  However, this can lead to problems when shaking hands, high-fiving, and fist-pound-explode-backhand-slap-intertwine-two-fingers-jump-spin-clap-slap-slap-pounding.

How does this apply to your life?  Simple.  Next time you see your lawyer, accountant, or elected official, fall on them.  If they drop you, well, I’d suggest buying a tinfoil hat and a set of oven mitts.  The end is near.

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Comments

  1. Damn dude, that's funny as hell. The obesity comment made me snort aloud.

    I'm going to try trust-falling on my cat later. He's alone at the apartment all day, I need to know if I can trust him.

  2. Phil and Ted says:

    Thanks, Kev. Glad it made you laugh. I hope your cat catches you.

    - Phil

  3. The magnet solution seems perfectly reasonable to me. In addition to building trust, it would also lead to an increase in the health of people because there would be less personal contact between humanoids resulting in less germs spread.

    • See? I’m not crazy-these are good ideas. Now we just need to lower the voting age so we can vote in congressmen who will enact a “Mandatory Magnet” law.
      – Phil

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