The Best Excuses, Period

OversleptTeens these days, myself included, don’t even need an excuse to use an excuse. We go through excuses like Tiger Woods goes through…cars.

But it would be impossible for us to give you the perfect excuse to every situation in a series of blog posts. Just imagine how many there’d be: “The Best Excuses for When You Forget to Turn the Oven Off,” “The Best Excuses for Why You Haven’t Flossed in Eight Years and Five Months,” The Best Excuses for Tipping Your Desk Back Until You Fall,” etc. Yes, we’ve given you specifics before, but those excuses were for situations every teen faces, often up to eight or nine times a minute: not having your homework, being late to class, or not silencing your cellphone.

Considering this, we’ve brought you some excuses applicable to any situation. Whatever the problem was, we want to make sure that every teen avoids blame as often as possible.

For Family Situations

We all know that there is a massive gap between our parents and our friends. That’s a literal definition: our parents would shop at GAP, but our friends would sooner eat some broccoli. Actually, our parents regularly eat broccoli, too.

  • I was going to, but then I had to shove everything under my—I mean, clean my room.
  • I’d love to, but I promised to do some community service at the park where my friends hang out.
  • I was watching C-Span, so I didn’t, sorry.
  • I have to finish my homework first; you don’t want me to drop below my A- average, do you?
  • I spent too much time mowing the lawn with a nail clippers—for uniformity—so I didn’t have time.

Amongst Friends

You usually don’t need to lie to your friends, unless they’re asking if you have gum. Sometimes, however, the truth is would be worse than an excuse; maybe you were too busy watching “The Bachelor,” but you certainly can’t reveal that.

  • I was going to, but then I had to shove everything under my bed.
  • I’d love to, but I’m grounded for mowing the lawn with a nail clippers; apparently being “too ridiculous” is a crime.
  • I was watching my ceiling fan go around, so I didn’t, sorry.
  • I have to finish my homework first; I don’t want to drop below my C- average.
  • I spent too much time translating my essay on “Of Mice and Men” into mouse-tongue—for the sake of insightful literary analysis—so I didn’t have time.

To Your Coaches

Whatever sport you play—whether it is Football, Basketball, or…actually, those are the only two high school sports—sometimes you needed to miss a game, or forgot to practice on your own time. Your coach spends a lot of time around teens, though, so you’ll need to be more convincing than with your parents.

  • I was going to, but the Olympics took place in my bedroom yesterday so I had to clean my room up.
  • I’d love to, but I have to meet with my English teacher and explain why my essay is composed of the words “squeak” and “tch-tch-tch.”
  • I was watching the Thunder play the Patriots, so I didn’t, sorry.
  • I have to finish my homework first; I can’t play sports with an F in early release.
  • I spent too much time running a triathlon consisting of 3 Iron Mans—for a cardio workout—so I didn’t have time.

For Any Situation that Could Possibly Occur

You knew it was coming. Maybe you’re not talking to a coach, a parent, a teen, or a teen parent who is coaching your health class on why teen pregnancy is bad. But you might still need an excuse.

I’d love to, but I have to meet with my English teacher and cut the grass at the park where my friends hang out with some nail clippers. Then I have to finish my homework, because the last time my counselor tried to print out my report card the printer turned in a resignation letter and moved to Canada. And I didn’t have time yesterday because I was watching C-Span’s interview with Tom Brady and Kevin Durant about how interesting my rotating ceiling fan is. I mean, I was going to, but my room got crushed by a fallen satellite yesterday so I had to clean it up. And then I spent too much time coming up with this excuse, so I didn’t have time.

As you head into the holiday season and then into 2013, keep these excuses handy. I’ve taped them to the inside of some mirrored sunglasses, which is a double bonus, because then they can’t look into your eyes and see that you’re lying, meaning that they actually have to listen to you to see that you’re lying. I think there was something else I wanted to say here, but I have to go finish my homework; you wouldn’t want me to get a 0 on my nonexistent winter break worksheets, would you?

Last year at this time, we posted, “3 Things About the Holidays that I (and You) Won’t Miss.” If you’re getting a little sick of, say, hearing the same holiday music absolutely everywhere, you may want to check it out and commiserate.

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Comments

  1. “You usually don’t have to lie to your friends, unless they’re asking you for gum.” So True :)

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