The Most Effective SAT Study Plan

Funny picture of ear trainingIf you have not yet taken the SAT, you must start thinking about it. Yes, I’m talking to all of you: the high school senior taking it in December, the high school sophomore who still doesn’t know what the SAT is, the 8th grader who is probably already in bed by now, and even—no, especially—all you unborn fetuses reading this. If you have a brain, you need to be thinking about the SAT.

Why? Well, the answer’s simple: thinking about the SAT is a lot easier than studying for it. And you need to be doing one of those two things.

Actually, you need to be doing both, all the time, everyday. If you want to go to college, you’ll need to take either the SAT or ACT. If you want to do well, you need to start studying now.

Presently, there are 3,451 books that have been published to help you prep for the SAT. By the time you finish reading this sentence, there will have been 3,457 books published. Basically, if you could get through a prep book a week, you’d be on social security before you were ready to take the SAT. Assuming social security still exists 66 years from now, and hasn’t been replaced with Facebook Farmville Food Credits or something of that sort.

The point is there are more SAT study plans than there are students who will actually take the SAT. It’s practically impossible to know which plan to go with. Your friend tells you to get the Princeton Review book while Expl0ded37, a member of the online academic think tank known as Yahoo Answers, tells you to just read as many novels as you can.

Thankfully, we’re here to cut through all of the BS*. (Note: this is a humor blog. Feel free to comment that this guide is “sooper useles” and “iditoic,” especially now that we’ve mentioned those adjectives, but don’t expect this to be more than slightly helpful.)

*BS stands for Bean Soup. In case you hadn’t noticed, this is a clean blog.

Get Romantically Involved

Yep, the first step to doing well on the SAT is to get romantically involved. The trick is to find the right significant other.

For most of you, that means Quizlet. Yes, the online website will become your new romantic partner. You’ll spend all of your spare time with it. You’ll make sacrifices so that you can see it every day. You’ll even take it everywhere, thanks to the handy Quizlet app. Here’s a question: at school dances, whom will you dance with? If you said Quizlet, you are correct.

Only in this monogamous, devoted relationship will you be able to possibly learn enough vocabulary so that you know every word on the test. Otherwise, “ubiquitous” might leave you questioning whether or not you are hallucinating— that’s certainly not a word.

Check Your Math

Most people find the math on the SAT the easiest section. Most people will also make a few obvious mistakes. Had they checked their work, though, they would have caught the mistakes.

So, rather than focusing on actually learning any math, just focus on checking your math. That way, you can cut down on mistakes. Thus, when you get to a problem where you have absolutely no idea what to do, you can check your work! Now you can be certain that you had absolutely no idea what to do and that you didn’t make any dumb mistakes not knowing what to do and not doing what you didn’t know.

Train Your Ear

When it comes to the writing section, a widely used strategy is to “hear” the error. That way, you don’t need to learn any grammar rules. So, you must train your ear.

Here’s where you might go wrong: you might think that training your ear is as simple as reading some well-structured sentences every day. It’s not.

If you are truly devoted to getting a high score, you need to take this advice more seriously. The biggest problem is that you hear many spoken grammatical errors throughout your day at school. Teens are always saying things like, “Me and my friend,” “You were with who?” and “Dude it were so sick that they was did it.”

To avoid dulling your ear, you need to wear earplugs to school for a week before the test. If you want to hide this, then just put a pair of headphones over them. Sure, you might be late to every class, not hearing the bell, and you might fail that French listening test, but it’s worth it.

Wait a second. What are we saying? Study? For a test? The only people who ever do that grow up to start lucrative business ventures. I have no idea what “lucrative” or “ventures” means, so I’m going to assume that’s a bad thing.

Heck, don’t study more than you need to. Sure, if you want to get a 3000 out of 2400, then you might want to follow this guide. Otherwise, there’s probably no need to make a fool of yourself when people see you taking Quizlet to dinner and a movie.

So, since you’re probably not too concerned about the SAT, perhaps you’d rather increase your coolness factor. In that case, you should check out “4 Ways to Make Your Phone 4 Times as Cool,” published at this time last year.

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