Ways Teenagers Listen to Music

Do you remember when live music was the only available music? Hopefully, you don’t.  If so, this means that this blog is attracting the wrong type of readers: the ones from the 18th century.  I have nothing against 18th century people, aside from the fact that they don’t count as page views on this extremely awesome blog (that was started a week ago, but, nonetheless, has managed to already climb above ‘incredibly mediocre’ and ‘interesting-in a good way’ status’s).  I find that most people from the 18th century aren’t very able when it comes to computers.

The portable mp3 player changed the music industry, but that’s not important.  What is important, to teenagers, at least, is this: the maximum amount of time that they can spend on their iPod everyday.

It’s grown to become an image thing.  If you have ear buds or headphones prominently shown, you are considered, at first glance, ‘cool’ (for you readers from the 18th century, please ask someone from the 21st century what the modern definition of cool is).  This comes from the conclusion that you are listening to popular music.

Sharing music with more than one other person is a problem that has arisen.  Clearly, you are even cooler if you are listening to someone else’s music, because this shows that you are benefiting from both the popularity of the music and the other person’s obvious coolness (because they, too, are listening to music).  The other person acts as both an outlet for music and a cool-ness multiplier.

Splitters, which, as the name suggests, split the headphone jack into two jacks, are useful, because then four people can listen to music, and everyone becomes three times as cool.  Soon, you’ll see herds of migrating teenagers, all listening to one person’s iPod (but you’ll have to be careful, because the amount of sheer cool-ness will likely crush your lungs if you get too close).

Also, listening to music helps avoid unwanted conversations, in which you might have to mumble a few words; you are clearly occupied, listening to music.  You will see teenagers listening to music everywhere, often to avoid conversation while seeming cool.  Ear buds have become the long-awaited solution to unwanted conversations (and any welcomed conversation happens in texts or Facebook nowadays).

The newest fad is the return of the headphones.  These have a better sound quality, but a larger mass.  The solution is, of course, to never take them off, instead leaving them around one’s neck when not in use, as a sort of futuristic dog collar.  Now all the government needs to do is implant them with tracking devices, and—I’d like to go on, but I’ve just signed the national secrets act, so I must stop here.

The next fad, as I predict it, will be the return of the speaker (for sound quality).  These would basically be speakers you’d see in a state-of-the-art sound system in your house or car, strapped to your head.  While the initial weight might lead to a few minor neck injuries, I’m sure that these enormous contraptions will catch on.  After all, the injury rate doesn’t stop most people from wearing ties to work (and that includes adults, whose judgment is supposed to be better than the judgment of teens).

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