Wisdom Teeth are Not Your Friend

(Click to zoom)

(Click to zoom)

Thankfully, I am. Which is why I bring you a rant that’s certain to cheer up any post-surgery teen.

(Warning: Laughing soon after wisdom teeth surgery is painful, and could lead to dry sockets. As I understand them, dry sockets are pretty much worse than the surgery.

Luckily I avoided them—using one easy tip discovered by a local stay-at-home mom that doctors HATE—but they supposedly feel like a throbbing pain, similar to the recovery of being shot in the mouth. Of course, I’ve never been shot in the mouth—I avoid that using one crazy trick discovered by a local stay-at-home dad that surgeons HATE—but since you’re probably too zonked out on pain meds to come up with any similes for your pain, I did it for you. You’re welcome).

Now, wisdom teeth surgery is not a fun surgery to have. Things that should not mix include: power tools and mouths, blades and mouths, pliers and mouths, others people’s fingers and mouths, power blades and mouths, other people’s pliers and mouths, and power tools and other people’s fingers. Depending on your surgeon’s expertise, you may experience them all.

As I mentioned in my last post, I’ve been writing a column for the local paper, and that is where most of this piece appears. I will, however, leave you with a teaser:

“Some things are just badly named. Airplane schedules, for example, implies that your flight is following a timetable and might possibly leave on time. WikiLeaks sounds more like a crowd-sourced, friendly volunteer plumbing organization than a classified information publisher….”

Finally, I’d love to offer you that one weird old trick (discovered by a local stay-at-home house that doctors HATE) to avoid getting this surgery, but there isn’t one. Sorry. Now, what are you waiting for? Read the rest of this column.

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Comments

  1. I’ve never gotten this surgery. Mostly because all four of my wisdom teeth are at such weird angles and haven’t fully erupted. (Dentist term for hasn’t broken through the skin all the way). My braces are fixing this as well as other problems. I just hope that I will never have to get them removed!!
    **Side note—this was yet another great post :)

    • I am well aware of all the surgical terms, unfortunately (erupted, impacted, eschewed, caddywhompus, broccoli, etc). Good luck avoiding this surgery in the future; hopefully you can remain one of the wise. Thanks for taking the time to comment.
      – Phil

  2. Never had to endure that thankfully.

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